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Your Child's Self-Esteem
Healthy self-esteem is a child's armour against the challenges of the world. Children who feel good about themselves seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures. They tend to smile more readily and enjoy life. These kids are realistic and generally optimistic. Self-esteem is the collection of beliefs or feelings that we have about ourselves, or our "self-perceptions." How we define ourselves influences our motivations, attitudes, and behaviors and affects our emotional adjustment. Everything we do is guided by what we see, hear, taste and sense; by our perceptions and by the sense we make of these perceptions. These perceptions and the processes by which we make sense of them can be influenced by putting on different types of glasses. The colour of our glasses is formed by our experiences and they will colour our future experiences.
For children who have low self-esteem, challenges can become sources of major anxiety and frustration. Children who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding solutions to problems. If they are plagued by self-critical thoughts, such as "I'm no good" or "I can't do anything right," they may become passive, withdrawn, or depressed. Faced with a new challenge, their immediate response is "I can't." Children with behavioural difficulties have often developed faulty perceptions that determine the way they behave in certain situations.
Self-esteem fluctuates as a child grows. It is frequently changed and fine-tuned, because it is affected by a child's experiences and new perceptions. It helps for parents to be aware of the signs of both healthy and unhealthy self-esteem.
A child who has low self-esteem:
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may not want to try new things
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he/she may frequently speak negatively about his or herself
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may exhibit a low tolerance for frustration
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giving up easily or waiting for somebody else to take over
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tend to be overly critical of and easily disappointed in themselves
What Parents Can Do to Help
How can a parent help to foster healthy self-esteem in a child? Here are some tips that can make a big difference:
- Watch what you say. Children are very sensitive to parents' words. Remember to praise your child not only for a job well done, but also for effort. But be truthful. Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.
- Be a positive role model. If you are excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your child may eventually mirror you.
- Identify and redirect your child's inaccurate beliefs. Help your child set more accurate standards and be more realistic in evaluating himself or herself as this will help your child have a more healthy self-concept.
- Be spontaneous and affectionate with your child. Your love will go a long way to boost your child's self-esteem. Give your child hugs. Leave a note in your child's lunch box that reads, "I think you're terrific!"
- Give positive, accurate feedback. Acknowledge your child's feelings and reward the choice that your child made, encouraging your child to make the right choice again next time.
- Create a safe, nurturing home environment. A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may become depressed and withdrawn. Always remember to respect your child.
- Make your home a safe haven for your family. Watch for signs of abuse by others, problems in school, trouble with peers, and other potential factors that may affect your child's self-esteem. Deal with these issues sensitively but swiftly.
- Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem. For example, mentoring programmes in which an older child helps a younger one learn to read can do wonders for both children.
Finding Professional Help
If you suspect your child has low self-esteem, you can get professional help. Therapy can adjust the way a child views himself or herself and the world. This can enable a child to first see himself or herself in a more realistic light, and then to accept who he or she truly is.
Joanna Kleovoulou, Clinical Psychologist and Director of Bella Vida Centre Bedfordview, will be initiating group-work with children from the ages 8-12 years to give children an experience to share with others with similar difficulties; to learn to relate to others and develop social skills and an opportunity for catharsis.
More specific tools for group-work with children include play, exercises, activities, games, relaxation, visualisation techniques and role playing so as to encourage children to express aspects of themselves that they may be unable or resistant to reveal in their lives.
With a little help, every child can develop healthy self-esteem where their full potential and creativity are revealed for a happier, more fulfilling life.
CONFIDENT KIDZ WORKSHOP
- Does your child struggle to try new things
- Does your child frequently speak negatively about him/herself
- Does your child exhibit a low tolerance for frustration
- Does your child give up easily or waits for somebody else to take over
- Does your child tend to be overly critical of him/herself
- Is your child easily disappointed in him/herself and others?
- Does your child exert minimal effort toward tasks because he doubts he can be successful?
- Does your child act shy around others?
- Is your child overly dependent on you to take care of him?
- Does your child worry things will not work out?
- Does your child feel overwhelmed by school and life?
- Is your child pessimistic about the future?
- Does your child compare himself to others and feel inadequate?
- Would your child like to be someone else?
- Does your child constantly doubt he can achieve anything?
- Does your child take things out on others?
- Does your child lose his/her temper easily?
- Does your child constantly argue about trivial issues?
- Does your child think he/she is unimportant?
Dates 2011:
- 25 and 26 June 2011
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10 and 11 December 2011
Time: Sat- 9h00-15h00 and Sun- 9h00-13h00
Cost: R2000
Age Range: 8-12 years
Click here: Confident Kidz registration form
No less than 5 participants per group, and a maximum of 10, so start up is dependent on numbers filled.
Facilitator: Joanna Kleovoulou (Clinical Psychologist and Director of Bella Vida Centre Bedfordview)
*Partly claimable from medical aid
Contact Bella Vida Centre Bedfordview on 011 450 3576 /
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
to book your child's spot with a completed consent and registration form.
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