The Basic Stages of Grief and Advice for Parents During the Stress of Divorce. Some basic steps for maintaining or building a child's self-esteem during this time of loss.
The Basic Stages of Grief
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Grief Stage
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Symptoms
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Shock (refusal to accept)
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Listless, numb, daydreams about the family being reunited
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Denial (protest)
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Pretends as if nothing has happened, changes the subject when divorce is discussed
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Anger
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Inability to verbalize feelings, aggression possible
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Despair (depression)
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Sad, withdrawn, isolation possible
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Detachment
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Distant, less invested in the divorce conflict
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Advice for Parents During the Stress of Divorce
Some basic steps for maintaining or building a child's self-esteem during this time of loss.
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Respect your child.
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Show them what respect means by modelling it whenever possible with the absent parent.
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Maintain rules for behaviour even during the rough times.
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Children need to know what to expect. Make the rules age appropriate.
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Praise the child's desired behaviour.
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Let them notice you notice. In times of loss, the parents are emotionally distracted and miss these precious opportunities.
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Let the child speak.
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Support the child's right to speak about her/his concerns and offer her solutions. What has happened is out of her control. Let her/his direct the conversation when it is safe and makes sense.
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Apologize when you are angry with the absent parent and the emotion is dumped on the child.
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We all get out of control now and then. The error is not so much the occasional behaviour but the inability to verbalize we made a mistake.
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Look at reducing the conflict for your kids.
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Work actively not to put the children in the middle of parent disputes. Kids typically love both parents and are unable to sort through the confusion of the conflict.
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