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How and When to tell your kids about the Birds and Bees

How and when to tell your kids about the Birds and Bees

Ilze van der Merwe-Alberts, psychologist and founder of Bella Vida Centre, presents this talk to empower parents and teachers on how to handle sexualized issues and questions with children. She has presented this talk to thousands of parents at schools, in the corporate arena on radio and television, in the printed media as well as at private functions.

The reason why Ilze offers this empowering and informative talk to parents and teachers is based on the following:

'Sex Communication Breakdown' (article appeared in “Business Day” on 26 January 2011)

WAKE-UP CALL- Children learn about sexuality from friends and from the media, but parents should be the most important providers of information about sex and sexuality, say the experts. US research, published online in the Journal of Adolescent Health, shows that teens would prefer to get the information from their parents, and that parents most influence their decisions about sex. However, many parents don’t provide the information because they think their children won’t listen to it, say the researchers at Florida State University. The study “begs the question why youth cannot get the information that they seek-and prefer-from their own parents”, says Dr. Nancy Irwin, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, who specializes in childhood and adolescent sexuality. “This should be a wake-up call to parents: You and your kids want the exact same thing. What are missing are the proper tools for communication.”

'Our children are raping each other' was the headline in the “Sunday Times” of 18 November 2007. The article stated that "boys as young as seven in sex attacks" and “43% of assaults are committed by kids". Experts and child abuse activists have warned that sexual abuse at schools is on the increase and this extreme form of bullying in South Africa is out of control.

Shocking trends are emerging. Joan van Niekerk of Childline said children committed a disturbing 43% of sexual crimes reported to the organization’s hotline this year.

"Inappropriate sexual behaviour could start as early as pre-school." The newspaper article referred to the case where "a five-year old girl inserted a foreign object into the vagina of another girl. It was aggressive behaviour, not for sexual gratification." According to Rapcan, an organization fighting child abuse and neglect, 40% of reported rape cases in South Africa were perpetrated by people under 18.

III. How to empower parents to lead by their example and what will be shared during the talk:

Why must parents give sexual education to their children?

If the parents do not equip their children with the correct and factual information in a loving and caring way, the kids find the incorrect and sensational “un”facts from their peers, siblings and other children, whom know little or lopsided information, that they usually received from other children. Adults are supposed to teach children about the birds and the bees,childrenare not supposed to teach other children and children today are exposed to a wide source of information about sexual issues, from the world that has become global village.

What age must parents start?

Ilze recommends that parents start to equip themselves with the right way and approach to share information with their kids about the birds and the bees from when the child is 3-4 years old. The reason for this is: Children start with the developmental phase of sexual identification and awareness from age 4 and they become aware and curious and start to ask questions verbally and non-verbally (e.g. a curious look on the face). The younger the child is, the easier it is for parents to overcome their own awkwardness and their own hesitancy to go with the child’s questions. A prepared and open parent is an approachable and trustworthy parent. Ilze encourages parents to open the communication with their kids from the ages 4 to 6 to establish a relationship of openness, approachability and mutual respect.

Read the most commonly asked questions and Ilze’s answers to the questions on the following link:

http://www.bellavidacentre.co.za/Sexual-Education/sexual-education-for-children-q-a-a

What will attendees learn?

In a world where our children as young as 3 years are bombarded with sexual issues, parents need to be more enlightened about handling sexual issues and questions.

In this 90 minutes talk parents will learn:

Basic principles for sexual education
Naming of body parts
How to explain erection, menstruation, pregnancy and birth, sex
How to handle sexual curiosity, sexual play, self-stimulation
How to respond to dirty talk
How to handle difficult questions like: rape, abortion, AIDS, homosexuality, birth control, prostitution, pornography, circumcision and many more words children can ask.

This talk is an absolute must for all parents (and teachers) of children aged 3-12 years.

The talk is about an hour and I allow question time afterwards. The talk and questions usually take about 90 minutes. Parents/teachers can also see Ilze after the talk if they have private questions to ask.

What do kids say?

A 6 year old made the following comment to Ilze when the mother gave her sexual education: “Thank you for telling my mom to tell me. Kids have the right to know!

IV. Testimonials:

"I so enjoyed the talk and the evening after I attended the talk, I found a teachable moment and was able to tell my two children (aged five and seven) just about everything we'd learnt that day! They loved the book, were so receptive, unfazed and happy that I'd told them exactly where they came from and not in the least bit shocked by anything! Thank you so much for your help, I really did feel so empowered and relaxed explaining things to my children and know that they now feel far more comfortable and empowered too!"(A caring mother).
“I feel so strong that the talk and books are a MUST for all parents and children. I wish schools prescribed the “Easy Answers to Awkward Questions” for every family represented in each school.” (Tania Otto, Operations Manager, Women & Men Against Child Abuse, Kidz Clinics.)

VI: Booking and payment:

Book Ilze for this talk by either phoning 011 4634438 or send an e-mail to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

The cost of the talk is R3600 if I present it in Johannesburg.

For a presentation outside of Johannesburg, the cost is: